This isn’t one of those “16 Blissful Years of Marriage” posts because, honestly, those make me gag (hahahahah – just kidding… kinda). I remember seeing those kinds of very sweet posts during, well, you know… one of those regular days of marriage when I just wouldn’t call it blissful, and it made me feel like what we had wasn’t valuable. But that just isn’t right. You see, I’m not perfect, and he isn’t either. I’m growing as a person, he’s growing as a person, and sometimes those growing moments/pains as people aren’t the prettiest moments (amirite?). Those growing moments were some of the toughest years of my life (and they would have been ugly with or without him), but we did them together! And don’t get it wrong when I say, “we did them together”. It’s not like I was completely there for him through the ups and downs like some movie or book, and vice-versa. I’m imperfect, selfish, and human. Therefore, I let him down and don’t get things right a lot. I have looked to him for my happiness and blamed him for my unhappiness for more years than I’d like to admit. BUT, I’ve stopped looking to him “to complete me” (ahem, Jerry Maguire) because I believe only God can do that! I’ve also stopped hounding him to be different/better (because only God can do that, but mostly because it just flat out doesn’t work -ha!). I’ve started to work on myself and worry about myself because that’s the only person I can control. I’ve started to focus on what we have vs. what we don’t (some days this is easier for me than others. I’m a work in progress). And I think I’m finally learning to look to God to fill all the voids I feel and not expect my husband to do that.
When we got married, I was 23. I’ve grown up a lot since then (I’m not done), and he was there through it all! We share that together. We know, know each other (the nasty, icky and good). We have a gritty and vulnerable love for each other. Now that, to me, is really valuable and beautiful. Blissful? No. Beautiful? Yes!
P.S. My husband was annoyed while taking this picture because this was the second round of pictures. I didn’t like the first round of pictures, so I had my friend take it again (thank you @kayleyisgur). And you know what? 10 years ago that would have upset me and would have ruined the picture for me. Now, I laugh it off. I know I’ve been annoyed with a second round of picture taking before, too.
P.P.S I love the quote by Anne Lamott, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” It seems appropriate to share it with this post -ha! I also loved the marriage book What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp.
Now, do me a favor and pray for my marriage. Every time I write about my marriage, it seems the very thing I wrote about comes back to haunt me -hahahahaha!